According to Dr. Jill Murray, 1 in 3 girls will be in a controlling, abusive dating relationship before she graduates from high school from verbal and emotional abuse to sexual abuse or physical battering (But I Love Him, 2003). It’s been shown that in most cases, Teen Dating Violence sets the stage for future partner abuse such as domestic violence. Adolescent girls in dating relationships often confuse jealousy, and possessiveness with flattery. Although this kind of attention appears to be flattering to young girls, it can promote a false sense of assurance and false hopes. Adolescent girls are led to believe that this is love, even though they spend most of the time in the relationship crying or apologizing for their behavior.

Adolescent males are not exempt from Teen Dating Violence. In an article, “Texas Care Male”, it was reported that 1 in 6 boys are abused before age 18. In these cases, the abusers are females. The article further stated that the power differential changes between the young boy and the young girl when the male becomes 14+. In addition, Dr. Jill Murray stated that it is not uncommon for girls to humiliate or embarrass their boyfriends and, she further stated that abusive girls attract abusive boyfriends, (p. 132).In a recent 2003 report, the “National Center for Victims of Crimes “reported the following:

• Over 40 percent of male and female high school students said they had been victims of dating violence at least once
• 50 to 80 percent of teens have reported knowing others who were involved In violent relationships
• 15 percent of teen females and males reported being victims of severe dating violence (defined as being hit, kicked, thrown down or attacked with a weapon) in the past year
• 8 percent of 8th and 9th grade students have reported being victims of sexual dating violence

The FVPF adds to these startling stats, “Youth ages 16-24 are the most at risk of domestic violence of any age group. Crime Victimization surveys report that adolescents and young adults experience the highest degree of intimate violence of any age group. Surveillance data consistently indicate that 16-24 year old women are the most highly victimized group.”

Although teens involved in dating violence have learned to perpetrate or accept this behavior at home, they are capable of learning something different and make better choices. To teach teenagers obedience and honor is not simply “do as I say or do as I do” but to teach them the responsibility of the power of choice. Helping teens to discover the wealth of internal and external resources to assist them to make the best choices they can introduces them to the God that will dwell in the hearts of teenagers and participate in their lives. To teach teens obedience with God is to teach them to honor the Image within them and to seek the reality, the qualities of the Kingdom through the choices they make. Honor has a theological application when teens first learn what it is to honor God and self. Honoring God includes respecting and valuing self as a unique Image bearer. Being responsible for the power and Image within them and making choices that reflect that power and image then gives teens an understanding for what obedience and honor looks like in the parental-child relationship and in dating.

When teens live in obedience with God and honor their self worth they can recognize domestic violence as evil and not “normal”. In a liberating and affirming relationship with God they can develop the courage to refuse to accept and to stand against that which seeks to blind them to the Image within, take away their power to choose and deny them the experience Kingdom realities.