I did not understand the abuse I went through as a child until I was older. When I was an infant my father gave me medication because he wanted me to stop crying resulting in an emergency trip to the hospital. If it weren’t for my mother coming to the hospital and hand feeding me a bottle, I would have died. My mother’s guilt for my abuse started then.
When I was old enough to walk my father would tell me to go to my room and I would have to walk past him to my room. He would say he would not hurt me so I would believe him and start walking past him to my room. But every time this situation happened, he would hit me as I walked past him so I learned to be afraid and fearful. I grew up believing that if someone hit you, that meant they loved you. I now know that is wrong. I have found that out through counseling and through my life skills class. I know that I can learn new ways of living and loving, and now I have hope for the future.