Many men have never physically struck a woman. What they have done, however, is struck fear in a woman by using a wide range of controlling and abusive behaviors over a sustained period of time. You may find it useful to check the behaviors you or a friend may have used.

Physical violence

• Slapping, punching, grabbing, kicking, choking, pushing, restraining, or pulling hair
• Rape (e.g., use of force or threats to get sex)
• Use of weapons, throwing things, keeping weapons around which scare her
• Abuse of furniture, things in the home, pets, or destroying her things
• Intimidation (e.g., standing in the doorway during arguments, angry or threatening gestures, use of size to
• Uninvited touching
• Threats (e.g., verbal or nonverbal, direct or indirect)
• Harassment (e.g., uninvited visits or calls, following her around, checking up on her, embarrassing her in public, or not leaving when asked)
• Isolation (e.g., preventing or making it hard for her to see/talk to friends, relatives, or others)

Psychological and economic abuse

• Yelling, swearing, being lewd, raising your voice, or using angry expressions or gestures
• Criticism (e.g., name-calling, swearing, mocking, put-downs, ridicule, accusations, blaming, use of trivializing words or gestures)
• Pressure tactics (e.g., rushing her to make decisions, using guilt/accusations, sulking, threatening to withhold financial support, manipulating children, or abusing feelings)
• Economic coercion (e.g., withholding money, the car, or other resources; sabotaging her attempts to work)
• Lying, withholding information, or infidelity (having sex with others)
• Using pornography (e.g., magazines, movies, strip clubs, or home videos)
• Emotional withholding (e.g., never giving support, validation, attention, compliments, respect for her feelings, rights, and opinions)
• Not taking care of yourself (e.g., abusing drugs or alcohol)

** This listing was adapted from Emerge.