Shame and Trust

Sunday, September 22
Psalm 31:1-8

“In you, O Lord, I seek refuge; do not let me ever be put to shame; in your righteousness deliver me.… I trust in the Lord” (vv. 1, 6b, NRSV).

How would you feel if you were scammed by someone you trusted? Angry? Fearful? Foolish? Ashamed? In today’s psalm, David’s enemies have been lying about him and plotting his downfall. He has prayed, hoping for God’s faithful protection and deliverance, but he has not experienced rescue yet. He is in that time in between the prayer and the answer—the waiting time. Then doubts begin to creep in—is it a scam to trust in God? Maybe David’s enemies are right—is he a fool?

What do you do in the waiting time when you are tempted to feel scammed by God? What makes it hard to remember his past faithfulness and steadfast love to you, and recommit yourself to waiting on him?

Father, in anxious times help me to remember your steadfast love and faithfulness, trust your timing, and put ourselves into your hands. Amen.

Grief and Wasting Away

Monday, September 23
Psalm 31:9-18

“Be gracious to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eye wastes away from grief, my soul and my body also. For my life is spent with sorrow and my years with sighing” (vv. 9-10a).

Sometimes the pain and suffering of living in our world feels overwhelming. Our hearts grieve deeply, and our bodies mourn as well. Our friends and family members may grow concerned and ask, “What’s wrong with you?” Our body language expresses our distress even if we say nothing. As Bessel van der Kolk reminds us in The Body Keeps the Score, psychological trauma affects our bodies as well as our minds.

Sometimes God uses our body’s “keeping score” to remind us of grief and pain we have not dealt with because it was too overwhelming. If your body is keeping score, what might God be inviting you to?

Father, I bring my whole self—mind, soul, and body—to you, and I ask for the gracious rescue, healing, and restoration only you can give. Amen.

Alarm and Taking Courage

Tuesday, September 24
Psalm 31:19-24

“I had said in my alarm, ‘I am driven far from your sight.’ But you heard my supplications when I cried to you for help….Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!” (vv. 22, 24).

It seems that we humans are very good at trying to take over our own lives when God is not working to our timetables. We tend to become anxious, and instead of continuing to wait on the Lord, we revert to “rescuing” ourselves. At the end of this psalm David encourages us to “be strong” and learn from his experience of panicking, then discovering that God was faithful to rescue him after all.

Are you in a time of waiting? What tempts you to become anxious while you wait? How can you “be strong, and let your heart take courage”?

Father, in times of stress, anxiety, and waiting, help me to be strong and courageous as I think about your steadfast love and past faithfulness to me. Amen.

Belief and Prayer

Wednesday, September 25
Mark 9:14-29

“‘Everything is possible for one who believes.’…his disciples asked him privately, ‘Why couldn’t we drive it out?’ He replied, ‘This kind can come out only by prayer’” (vs. 23b, 28-29, NIV).

It must have been a very frustrating situation for the disciples—they had already cast many, many demons out of people when Jesus sent them out two by two. So why couldn’t they do it now? Jesus gives them several clues: “O faithless generation…all things are possible to him
who believes…This kind can come out by nothing but prayer” (vv. 19,
23, 29, NKJV). 

It seems that the disciples had become confident in their own abilities to do God’s ministry. Self-confidence had led them to become faithless and prayerless, and they failed in that ministry. How might confidence in yourself be hindering your prayer life and God’s work in and through you?

Father, search my heart and show me my self-sufficiency and unbelief, so that I may prayerfully carry out your ministry, for your glory and my neighbor’s good. Amen.

Last of All

Thursday, September 26
Mark 9:30-37

“And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, ‘If anyone desires to be first, he shall be last of all and servant of all’” (v. 35, NKJV).

It seems almost everyone has a childhood story about being chosen last for a sports team or another activity. I remember my embarrassment at being the last one selected for pickup baseball games at recess (I was not very good at baseball!). No one wants to be last. Being “last” feels shameful—“first” is the place of honor. Yet Jesus challenged his disciples to be last of all, not first. What? Really? I can imagine the disciples’ inner resistance to Jesus’s words, because I struggle with that same resistance—and my own desire to be first, not last.

In what areas of your life do you struggle with Jesus’s challenge to be “last of all”? Why?

Father, forgive me for seeking to find my self-worth in being first and in being served, rather than in being your beloved child and serving you. Amen.

Grace to the Humble

Friday, September 27
James 4:1-10

“‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you” (vv. 6b-8, NRSV).

James is so insightful in this passage about what causes fighting and wars among people. You only need to watch small children squabbling over toys to see this is true. But how do we resolve our “conflicts and disputes” (v. 1)? James exhorts us to do many things, but several stand out: draw near to God, in humility submit to him, ask for what we need, and resist the devil.

When you are in conflicted relationship, what do you usually do to try to resolve it? Is that helpful? Which of James’s exhortations might you need to lean into more? Which is hardest for you to do? Why?

Father, help us to be peacemakers, drawing near to you with pure hearts, clean hands, and a humble spirit. Give us what we need and more to share with others. Amen.

Planning and Humilty

Saturday, September 28
James 4:11-17

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town.…’ Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.’…You boast in your arrogance’” (vv. 13, 15-16a, NRSV).

I used to think that if I worked hard and did the “right things,” my life would go as I planned. After living many years, I know that isn’t true. My life has gone as God planned, and it has been full of surprises and serendipities, detours and disappointments.

When does my planning become arrogance? It’s when I forget I “do not even know what tomorrow will bring” (v. 14). It’s when I feel entitled to another day to do as I please, rather than receiving each day as a gift to follow Jesus wherever he leads.

How do you approach planning in your life—with thankfulness and receptivity, or arrogance and self-determination? Why?

Father, help me to trust you with the plan of my life and follow where you lead with thankfulness. Amen.

Picture of Merrie Carson

Merrie Carson

I am a spiritual director, a retired Covenant pastor (after serving three churches in the Pacific Northwest Conference), and currently serve as chair of our church, Newport Covenant Church in Bellevue, Washington. I tend to be a perpetual student and am currently working on a book about congregational spiritual discernment and decision-making (a subject I am passionate about), which was the focus of my doctoral studies. In my free time, I love to garden, do jigsaw puzzles, paint watercolors, research my family’s history, travel, and read theology. My husband, Ron, and I have a daughter, three sons, 13 grandchildren (who are the joy of our lives), and two cats!

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