From left: Cath Kaminski Gebers, Stephanie Nelson, Mary Peterson, and Tamara Hutsell at Stephanie Nelson’s ordination ceremony.
Thirty years ago, I showed up at our college Bible study just as it was getting started and noticed a new person. When we went around the circle to share our names and something interesting about ourselves, she mentioned that she was traveling through from Florida after stepping down from her role as a youth pastor. I felt a jolt of electricity flow through me—I had never met a woman who was a youth pastor. As soon as the meeting ended, I asked her if she would meet me for coffee so I could hear more.
The next day, as we sat across a table from each other, she told me about her journey to follow God’s calling for her life. She had gone to college and seminary and had been serving at a church for several years, but she had recently stepped down. My mind was blown. I wanted to go to seminary. I wanted to be a pastor. I told her I was so amazed that God had caused our paths to cross and asked her for advice.
I was hoping to hear advice about what classes to take at seminary or how to find a role in a church. Instead, what she told me echoed the advice from the fictional character in Taylor Swift’s “The Life of a Showgirl,” in which a young girl, captivated by her vision of a performer’s life, feels compelled to wait at the stage door to meet her. When the girl sees the star, she exclaims, “You’re living my dream!” What follows is a catchy chorus embedded in a cautionary tale. The showgirl tells her hopeful protégé that she can’t possibly know what she is asking for. There is no way she would ever want that life.
Over coffee, the woman told me, “Don’t do it. The church will eat you up and spit you out and leave you for dead.” She shared the pain of her call and how it had caused her to struggle to know if God was even real. I walked back to my apartment with a heavy heart. I knew that God was calling me into ministry, but I didn’t want to end up broken and full of doubt. I asked God to protect my heart and not to leave me desolate.
After graduation, I went straight to seminary. I have now been serving in ministry for over 25 years. It has not always been easy. I have been excluded, told to leave, ignored, overlooked, dismissed, and disrespected. I think now I know the life of that youth pastor was warning me about, but I also know the goodness of our God. As a pastor, I have had the privilege to walk through life with people and see God move in powerful ways. I have witnessed God at work through the brokenness of our churches. God has been faithful to uphold my distressed little prayer from all those years ago.
As the Covenant gets closer to celebrating 50 years of ordaining women this June, we still have a lot of work to do as a denomination. Our churches need to continue to see the giftedness of women leaders and to advocate for women who experience God’s calling to ministry. Maybe someday we won’t have to have cautionary tales about the challenges we will face as women in ministry, but until then may we all work together to ensure that all of God’s people can imagine their callings to the fullest.
