An Invitation to Holistic Prayer
One sunny Sunday morning in the third week of my sabbatical, the grandparents were graciously taking care of my daughter while my husband pastored at our church. I woke up that day feeling vulnerable. I was tempted to suppress the rawness, but instead, I decided to redirect my momentum into a new endeavor.
Following the invitation of podcaster and therapist Adam Young, I wanted to practice writing my own psalm. The idea had been germinating in my mind, but the task felt daunting.
I went out, picked up a chai latte from a local coffee shop, found a good-enough outside table, and got to writing. It was slow work. It took me 10 minutes just to think of how I wanted to address God. After each of the first few sentences, I had to pause and breathe, acknowledging the truth of the words that were now in my notebook. Eventually my hand was able to write more quickly, as my brain increasingly engaged my heart. This is what I wrote:
My Personal Psalm from January 15, 2023
Mommy,
I am tired. So tired. I don’t know that any amount of sleep will get me back to feeling rested.
As soon as labor took a turn for the complicated, my life changed.
Since it’s been a never-ending demand for me to give all of myself.
But I didn’t even get a chance to recover.
I’ve only been given more things to recover from.
And the compounding stress for the past two
years is so much to bear.
I don’t know how to heal or even just be still.
I am in a constant state of stress. My emotions are trapped.
I want them to flow, but I’m having trouble naming them.
They’re all gathered in my throat, pushing
against my speech.
I am not well.
I try to push through the giant rubber band ball of
intertwined grief from this season and from my entire life.
It feels overwhelming. There is too much.
It feels impossible to untangle.
But You care about me, God, in an unselfish
and completely pure way!
You allow me to cry as much as I need to.
To rest on Your shoulder. To be held against
Your chest.
You know what these tears mean and how
much they long to be released.
Would you give me courage to be kind and
compassionate to myself?
To take it slowly. To relax. To rest.
To sit with the discomfort? To speak the emotions out loud
even if it feels wrong to have them?
I remind my soul that Your grace is sufficient. Help me extend graciousness to myself as I learn how to love myself as You love me.
Set my heart free!
That exercise was just one contemplative prayer practice I have been engaging in my own life and work as a spiritual director. I believe our communion with God and with other believers is strengthened through prayer. In prayer, we can lean into the gift of the Holy Spirit, into our unity as Christ’s body, and into the mission that Jesus started and for which we are equipped.
“Jesus replied, ‘The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only LORD. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” No other commandment is greater than these’” (Mark 12:29-31, NLT).
As we take our cues from this passage, the following contemplative prayer practices can help us engage God and our neighbor more deeply.
Write your own psalm
We may be accustomed to prayerfully reading through the Psalms, but few of us have written our own. After writing my psalm, I walked down a beautiful nature trail and paused when it seemed good to pray my own words aloud to God. The practice was incredibly cathartic, especially as someone who prefers to stifle emotions rather than feel them.
Before you begin this practice, it may help to reread some Psalms as a refresher of the general language and structure (try Psalms 12, 54, or 91). You can even write out an outline like the one below, and fill it in with your own words.
- Address God.
- Express your true/raw emotions and frustrations.
- Request action from God.
- Remind your soul of God’s character and promises.
Writing out your psalm may be emotionally exhausting (it was for me). You may want to pray through it aloud right after you write it, or you may choose to pray through it another day. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and allow time and space to linger with your emotions in God’s presence.
Lectio Divina
Lectio divina, which literally means “the divine reading,” is a Benedictine form of prayer in which we select a short passage of Scripture and read it multiple times, encouraging meditation upon the sacred text. This has become my most cherished form of prayer. For the last couple of years, I have engaged the same two selections of Scripture in this way. Even though I am now very familiar with these passages, each session of praying them provides a completely different experience. I am amazed at just how living and active God’s Word can be!
To engage this practice, select a passage and follow the steps below, allowing time for silence between each reading. One good introductory passage is Psalm 23.
- Lectio (Read): As you read aloud or in your mind, listen prayerfully to this sacred text.
- Meditatio (Meditate): Notice which particular word or short phrase resonates with you in this moment. Let it serve as an invitation to listen more deeply.
- Oratio (Pray): Notice how your word(s) affects your thoughts and feelings. From this word(s), allow a prayer to arise from your soul.
- Contemplatio (Contemplate): Release the word or phrase that stood out to you and simply rest in God’s presence. With a posture of gratitude, reflect on what God has given you during this time of praying through Scripture.
The Examen
The Examen was developed by St. Ignatius of Loyola and is best used at regular intervals, such as daily or weekly. This practice encourages reflection upon the day, noticing God’s movement through our struggles and delights, and points us toward God’s grace.
I must give thanks to the Jesuits for contributing to the foundations of my spirituality—during my childhood years, I attended mass at a Jesuit parish with my grandparents, and my undergraduate years were spent at Loyola University. In a class on the life of Ignatius of Loyola, my professor, who was a Jesuit priest, strongly encouraged us to pray the Examen instead of just reading about it. As a classic overachiever (looking back, probably driven by anxiety), I committed to praying the Examen every day that semester. To this day, the concepts of consolation and desolation are now woven seamlessly into my thoughts and spiritual conversations. How lovely to know that God is with us in every state and disposition. Although I do not pray the Examen every day anymore, it is one of the recommendations I sometimes give to directees in spiritual direction, and a wonderful prayer to facilitate for a small group.
Practice:
- Become aware of God’s presence.
- Review each moment of your day.
- Notice moments of peace, joy, or connection (consolation) and moments of sorrow, isolation, and frustration (desolation).
- Choose a feature from your day and pray from it, asking the Holy Spirit to reveal how God was present with you in that moment. What might God be inviting you to learn?
- Confess anything that needs to be released. Ask for the courage to live in the grace and love of God during the day to come.
breath prayer
A breath prayer can be used at any moment throughout your day and can be particularly helpful when you find yourself feeling anxious, irritable, stressed, or lonely.
I have difficulty feeling my emotions, but I’m very aware of what is happening in my body. So when I find myself flooded with raw emotions or perhaps the opposite—feeling numb—I try to begin a breath prayer. Bringing my awareness to my breath and the tension in my shoulders is something I can do almost anywhere, regardless of my emotional state. Now that I am parenting a toddler, this practice has become quite an effective tool to keep in my back pocket! And as a bonus, when my little girl sees me taking deep breaths, she tends to mimic me, and we can co-regulate together.
Begin by taking some deep breaths and noticing where you may be holding any tension in your body. Next, choose an adjective followed by a title for God. Then, using a short phrase, ask God for what you desire or need. For example: “Compassionate Friend. Remind my soul that you are near.”
Combine your two phrases and say them aloud or in your mind as you pray. After inhaling, state your first phrase. As you exhale, state the second phrase. Continue for a few minutes or until your body is feeling more relaxed.
Prayers of petition and intercession
Prayers of petition and intercession can begin by focusing on one of your closer relationships—perhaps a friend, sibling, spouse, or mentor. In this prayer exercise, I encourage you to practice vulnerability and ask this person to pray for you, right then and there. What is really going on with you internally? What struggles are you facing? What is worth celebrating that you would like to share in a spirit of thanksgiving? Bring these situations, thoughts, and emotions to this trusted person, then listen and receive as they pray with and for you. Then offer that gift to them. Ask them how you can pray for them, and do so, right then and there.
I must be candid: Asking someone to pray for me exposes my vulnerabilities, and I do not like this! But it also reveals my need for community. Sometimes it feels safer to self-isolate and just deal with things on my own, but I have learned (sometimes the hard way) that true Christian community flourishes when we are vulnerable with one another and when we move toward other trusted believers and toward God, together.
As you engage in these practices, may you live from a place of empowerment from the Holy Spirit who was given to us by Jesus. May you give yourself grace, just as Creator God lovingly gives you grace. May your faithfulness in prayer yield blessings that overflow and edify your community. Amen, dear friends.
